Brian Alvey: The Bon Jovi Code (or Wanted Dead Or Alive)

I recently had an idea for an international murder mystery in which a noted cryptographer and a famed symbologist untangle dozens of clues that had been hidden in old 80's songs and I couldn't decide between my two favorite titles: "The Depeche Code" and "The Bon Jovi Code".

As I did more research on Depeche Mode and Bon Jovi I discovered that there really were hidden messages in Bon Jovi songs. I talked to several 80's historians including a guy who used to work out with Mr. T and two people who had friends who used to work at MTV and I found out that it is widely believed that Bon Jovi was working for a secret society - one that was created to thwart Catholic Church plots in the New York/New Jersey area.

Need proof?

Well I always thought that this was one of the worst lines in the history of music:

Remember when we lost the keys and you lost more than that in my back seat

But it turns out that it was a hidden message to his fellow secret society members. Rearranging the letters, you'll find:

The Pope's minions will strike in downtown Trenton at midnight on July first

Now I get it! I mean, no one could write something that bad and sing it so sincerely, right?

Speaking with me only on a condition of total anonymity, one of these 80's historians said he believes that the Catholic Church began to suspect that Bon Jovi had been working against them. That explains why Jon entered the entertainment world's version of the witness protection program: taking a role on Ally McBeal and starring in movies like U-571.

Comments (11)

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-b-, The Clip-n-Seal guy 1616 days ago

the clip-n-seal guy

dude, you're totally cracking me up.
Wendy 1457 days ago

About Bon Jovi

Don
timmsy 1188 days ago

bon jovi is a legend so leave him alone you wacko!!!!!
jersey 937 days ago

You need some serious help dude!!!! I think that you like many others wish you could accomplish as much fame and fortune as they have!!! GET A LIFE & HAVE A NICE DAY
jack 931 days ago

dude your jus jealous of bon jovi,he is an awsome singer and will allways be better than you
StuART 921 days ago

Dude, this is the biggest load of crap ever. Why come out with something so stupid? There is no solid evidence there what so ever - get a life!
HDAP 919 days ago

this is quite funny really. and for the love of god people it's a joke. he's not having a go at bon jovi.
Pedro 918 days ago

Dude that is soo right on!!! I always new he was a freak. That is why his hair is like that, people used to think he had hair like that because he was gay, but it really because the secrect societies cut off his bits and pieces. Did you know that this is not the only song with secrect messages? In "Dead or Alive" he talks about a steel horse. This is a refrence to the submarine that they are going to use to invade Trenton in!!!!! Holy @#$#!!!! Keep up the good work dude!
Pedro 918 days ago

I would also like to point out that "b", wendy, timmsy, jack, jersey, and stuart all are unenligthened idiots. They just come on peoples sites to insult them. They are the ones who need to get lives. They smell like tonights basketball game. I think your ideas rock. ROCK ON!!!!!!!!!!!!
Locin 918 days ago

I totally agree with Pedro, there have to be some sort of subliminal messages in these lines. You can clearly tell that the other "non-believers" are dull and idiotic, simply by their trivial, and wrong, vocabulary. It is best if you just do not listen to these cro-magnon monsters.
McGee 918 days ago

I like where you're going with this, but please explain to me how you got that 2nd sentence from the line considering there are no "p"s or "j"s in the original. Keep up the good work though

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